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Here’s The Ultimate Secret To Loving Yourself And Never Hating Yourself Again


If you’ve kept up with my recent gift guides for yourself, you know that I’m constantly looking for ways to develop self-love. And though it seems the internet has been in a frenzy over this for months, I wanted to write an honest piece (…cue vulnerability, eeek! ) with what I’ve done to help my ever-evolving self-compassion journey because it hasn’t always been perfect and it definitely always hasn’t been easy.

I found a lot of the advice circling the internet regarding self-compassion to be a little fluffy, you know what I’m talking about …

“Don’t sweat the small stuff!”

“Everything happens for a reason!”

(this is my favorite) “Don’t compare yourself to others!”


After 26 years of feeling awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin, I’m finally starting to feel like I actually love myself.

Half the time I’m sitting around thinking, welp, it took long enough. The other half of the time I’m like,


I put together a list of what I’ve done on a daily basis to FALL IN LOVE WITH MYSELF. I know it’s a work in progress so drop a note in the comments if there’s anything I missed!


Sorry, you’re not that important! Kidding, it’s true – when someone is taking the time to bust down your ego, it’s probably not even about you. Let me give you a few examples. 

A few years ago I got dumped. I had been dumped before, but this case was particularly…special. The guy took the time to write a three-page hand-written letter with all the things he did not like about me. He didn’t talk about my looks, he talked about my personality. Qualities that I thought were fine…if not great. I was crushed, not necessarily because the relationship was over, but because what he said in this letter insulted what I believed to my core. Things that I was proud of. Things that I loved about myself. Although my sister made me burn the letter after my second phone call to her crying, I still held those words to be true.

I also started teaching cycling at a local studio in San Francisco in the past year. On some third-party sites, customers can review your class. After class I would obsessively check, pouring over the negative words written about me online. Although I got some great reviews, there was always a possibility for something negative. At first, I was constantly taking these reviews to heart.


So it took me a while to come to terms with this; it takes a special kind of person to go out of their way to write something nasty to someone else. In the case of my cycling class, if someone wasn’t providing constructive criticism –  it never occurred to me that the person writing could have just had a bad day (or maybe they didn’t like me – they didn’t have to come back then)!



Most of the time when someone is taking to say or write something mean – they are dealing with their own problems. What kind of anger do you need to have bubbled up inside you to say something that puts down someone else?


You’ll likely hear me vouch for Headspace and other meditation apps time and time again. Taking the time to breathe and calm your mind – even for 5 minutes a day, does wonders for your self-love. The reasoning behind this is explained more deeply in the linked article. Meditation allows you to take passing thoughts, especially negative thoughts, and see them just as thoughts – rather than as a reality.


Negativity is contagious. I truly believe that! The more you can surround yourself with positivity and other’s that build themselves up and others around them, the more you will be able to love yourself.

And let’s say you don’t have the right person in your life to fill you up with positivity, I have a PODCAST for you. I started listening to The Lady Gang in the past year and have become obsessed. I’ll say that the point of this podcast isn’t necessarily showing others self-love, but luckily has been a by-product of the community they created.

This podcast is not only entertaining and wonderful, but the women on the podcast truly love themselves. They embrace the awkward and weird, in fact, they love sharing stories of when things didn’t go perfectly. Seeing others welcome the unexpected and unusual has honestly given me an example of self-love that I didn’t know existed. And I have laughed a lot. But that’s beside the point.


I don’t know about you but I am NOT an introvert, I love being around other people. It’s how I get my energy. Up until a year or so ago, I was physically incapable of hanging out by myself. I don’t know if it was insecurity or boredom or just not finding entertainment in my own ways, but I started forcing myself to hang alone. I started with adult color books and moved to reading, and now blogging!

In my journey in finding self-love, I have noticed that I started hanging out more and more with myself. And be happy with that! Whether it’s cuddling up with a book or binging on Netflix, being totally happy with hanging out with myself has been an amazing step in falling in love with myself!


I’m pretty tough on myself and it’s something that I know about my personality. I don’t like to do things half-way! One of the steps in my journey to loving myself was the ability to ask myself – will this matter in 5 years?

Most of the time, when something goes wrong, you can ask yourself – will this matter in 5 years? Because if not, it’s probably not worth your time or energy. And it’s definitely worth cutting yourself some slack.



So there you have it. Is there something you do differently to fall in love with yourself? Drop a note in the comments to help others start finding their self-compassion!

Check Em Out: Related Reads

10 New Year’s Resolutions That Bring You Happiness in 2018

A Gift Guide For Yourself, Because You Don’t Need A Man

Move Somewhere Where You Don’t Know Anyone




  1. I use all of these methods for self-love! But I do need to start actively meditating because it helps a lot more when I feel discouraged and unmotivated. I do hope that if anyone says something negative about your cycling class that they would say to you in person! I know its easier to deal with words in your face rather than behind a screen.

    • Oh I’m so glad! It’s so funny because what I SHOULD be focusing on when I’m down is meditating – but often it’s the LAST thing I want to do, which is soooo frustrating! But once I force myself to meditate, it’s a game changer. You know?!

  2. Ahh i loveee this! I love your point about people putting you down and it really being about them! I think that was really hard for me to understand for SO long because I whole heartedly believe we all play a role in every exchange and it’s never just one persons fault… but I realized that even in those situations the role I’m typically playing is too passive and not speaking up for myself and letting others define me, which allows the other person to think they can just steam roll me. Since I’ve been changing that, its amazing how many less people like that I come in contact with!

    • I totally agree/love everything you said! I also believe that sometimes our “role” in interactions is to help someone else…get help, so in the situation where I was dumped, I *hope* that that person was able to realize the magnitude of their actions and seek help/counseling as a result of my reaction. Does that make sense?! I absolutely love what you said about having less of those people come your way – what an incredible change to make!

  3. Great tips! Hanging out with myself has been very beneficial for me. Sometimes I like giving myself movie dates, or tv show binge dates with popcorn (and my dog). It’s something powerful about spending time with yourself. You’ll learn so much about who you are without extra noise around you. I learned more about self validation instead of waiting for someone else’s validation.

    • Ahhh, SO jealous you have a dog!!! I am so impressed with what you said, about learning who you are without extra noise around you. That is SO true and so real! Thank you for sharing.

  4. Yes to these tips, girl! What you said about people putting you down is so darn true! It’s not about you! And I love your section on hanging out with yourself because it’s important to appreciate the relationship we have with ourself. I’ll do some adult coloring and watch YouTube videos to do somehing creative and educational all in one go! Or I’ll treat myself to a coffee at my favorite place!

    • Oh my gosh yessss!! What adult coloring books do you like?? I normally stick with the Harry Potter ones (ha!) but am always looking for more. Love everything you said, finding a cute coffee shop is one of the best things to do as well! XO!

  5. Such great tips and so glad you’ve learned to love yourself! Love your point about people putting you down not being about you – so true! It is definitely more of a reflection of them than you, and ultimately their opinion doesn’t matter as long as you are happy with yourself!

    • Yes! I absolutely love that point of view and I totally agree – thinking about others is such a hard habit to break (ESPECIALLY in the world of social media). I’m so glad you liked the post! XO

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